iGloe.NET is my personal domain. Its my diary, movie set, and punching bag. This domain also offers free and paid hosting.



Bad day, Bad Dream.
[] April 12, 2008

I had a Murphy's Law kind of week. You know, "Anything that can go wrong, will." *sigh* The week started off wonderfully, I had a nice bonding session with my mom who was pretty much impressed with David recently and finally, FINALLY she sees him as a good guy. I won't lie, I'm pretty sure anyone and everyone who looked at Dave and me at first glance would've thought along the lines of "Oh, one of those White guys dating Asian girl" trends. This included my mom and my family. But my mom told me that despite the hardships that tried to pull us apart, Dave and I still managed to stick it out together in the end. I was really touched by this. David also got a raise, we went out for dinner, it was great. David even said we'd work on getting me Laser Eye surgery. I was sooooo excited. Money saved up and everything!!

Then I the day I went in for my free consultation, I found out that my eyesight is so poor that there is really only one way to operate, and that option is almost FOUR TIMES what we saved up for!!! It seemed like something so close was suddenly swept away, all because of money!! I called David almost in tears because I was so disappointed. =(

When I finally got out to the car, I found that I had a parking ticket. Great.

Then I got home and received some rejection letters from University programs I had applied to. Everything felt like it was crumbling. I began to panic and question my future, my finances and my happiness. Look, I can deal with stress, if it's gradual. For example, school work that I know is due soon. I can plan for that, but sudden changes for the worse that keep snowballing at an incredible rate? I have a hard time dealing with those feelings. Naturally, I cried again. David consoled me over the phone as I freaked out about how I would repay my student loan, about my job, my future, my eyes, my disappointment...

That night, I went to bed and had a very scary dream. In the dream, I unlocked the door to my house and the light was on in the kitchen and Chinese radio was playing. I walked towards the yellow-orange glow and as I looked around the fridge, I saw my Grandpa cooking on the stove. My immediate thought was, "Didn't we bury you? This can't be real!!!" As my Grandpa turned, I screamed and ran out the door. I stood in my driveway trying to catch my breath... and my mind. "Am I hallucinating? I must be. If I look again, he won't be there." So again I went inside the house and sure enough, he stood at the stove cooking. He turned around, but this time he was missing an arm. My stomach flew into my throat for a moment but then I was so happy because I was convinced it was real.

The dream was so vivid, so clear, so real. I hugged him and felt so happy. But suddenly there was a banging on my front door. I looked over and people were trying to break through!! I ran to push the door closed and tried to lock it but the whole door shook and the lock was shaking. I managed to lock it closed as they kept banging and then I dashed quickly upstairs to grab my katanas. One in each hand, I ran back downstairs, opened the door a crack and tried to stab them. it worked, they retreated. As I sighed with relief, I looked out the window beside the door... And eerie looking girl... a child about 7? 8? She had long black hair and skinny arms. The girl began to climb up my wall, over the shingles of the garage towards my upstairs window!! (I swear, it looked like the girl from The Ring) This is where my Zombie dream became a bloody Vampire dream.

Yea, I'll end it there but I woke up in shock. I was definitely creeped out by my dream, but equally as disturbed that my Grandfather was really not alive. =(

Anyway... Dave and I got together this weekend and to cheer me up, he took me out to dinner and surprised me with lottery tickets. Lol. I guess I can always dream, but his gesture certainly made me feel better. Things are SORT of working out now. The only thing I'm still freaking about are my student loans. *dies* Here's to hoping!! *Goes to check lottery ticket*

Shaina, TED, Simply Precious, Anna, Marie, Kimm, Kim



Rippin' someone's head off
[] March 30, 2008

After thinking a long while about how I feel tired from non-stop fighting, I ended up reflecting on the anger of my past. In all of my life, I can count only about 3 people I had really felt the aching urge to punch in the face. We will go into the details of that later. I also came across the remembrance of being able to pinpoint the exact moment in my life where I felt the most angry. I wasn't angry at anyone in particular. I can't even remember WHY I was angry. I must've had a rough day at school and when I got home, no one was there. I popped in a CD hoping that music would soothe me, but the first song past, my mood was still rotten. And then this song came on:



Lol, needless to say that really pushed me over the edge. I was suddenly overwhelmed with anger, punched my desk and broke it. However, afterwards I felt a release. I guess 15 years of crap built up and exploded then. I still use this song at times to vent... (and sometimes to drive hahah).

Now, back to the people I had wanted to punch. The first, was a girl named *Veronica (names has been hidden to protect their pitiful identities). She was a snobby, popular, bitchy and backstabbing girl I went to high school with. Granted, back in the early years, she was decent looking which gave her the honored title of being my enemy. Recently, I saw her photo and much to my surprise, she's become a fat, greasy looking pig. So, punching her in the face would make me feel bad, since obviously Karma had beaten me to it. But now that she isn't of the same caliber as she used to me, I feel I must strip her of her "enemy" badge. That title is reserved for someone that I feel equals and rivals me in class, looks, smarts and personality. To this day, she was the ONLY one I was able to label as an enemy.

Another girl I would liked to have punched in the face I had met through some friends. We called her *Jamie. *Jaime was two-faced, waaaay conceited and obsessed with money. In fact, she put money over friends many times often making huge deals of petty things. Now, when she had snubbed (not only me) but our friends on a public forum bringing out personal and private matters, I got really pissed. I had planned everything out, I was going to walk up to her and seriously knock her out ... Unfortunately this plan did not work out because the next time I saw her, I nearly vomited. Yes my friends, I am not joking at all, I'm even thinking about seeing a doctor about this. *Jaime induces my gag reflex and wrinkles my nose like nothing else I have ever encountered. I don't even get CARSICK. Every time I look at her face or a photo, I feel the need to upchuck. My eyes cannot handle the sheer ugliness that is *Jamie. I swear to you guys, her face looks PERMANENTLY like the :D emote on MSN. I feel disgusted and repulsed by her EXISTENCE. My friends and I certainly enjoy hating on her, except I can only do it in doses before I begin to curl my nose and gag again. Over time, she has slipped out of my radar (Wise choice *Jamie!) Is she my enemy? I don't think so, she can't POSSIBLY expect to earn that title if I can't even look at her without throwing up in my mouth a little. Though sometimes the thought of approaching her to say "Hi!" then BBBLLLLLLLLLLLAARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! seemed quite amusing to me. Haha, what a joke.

Last but certainly won't be least, I met a girl VERY recently whom I felt like I wanted to punch in the face and break her glasses in two. We will call her *Mimi. You see, I had an argument with a friend of mine, the matter did not involve *Mimi. Yet the bitch felt the inclination to "prove a point" by jabbing into the conversation flooding the chat with lines of irritating comments directed to me. I described her actions as being similar to a chicken flapping around without its head. She was literally SQUAWKING random, meaningless, nonsensical things. I finally, politely told her to "shut the fuck up", and I believe I was being EXTREMELY courteous and that those four words were the result of holding my tongue. In the words of a wise friend of mine, "u think she would DARE EVEN DARE say that to you in real life?", in which I responded, 'lmao no i'd knock out her teeth and those glasses." I don't think she really deserves my time of day, but I wish you were there to comprehend how truly, annoying and irritating she really was. Someone needs to smack that bitch down before I do it please and thanks.

You know, perhaps I have an anger problem. I don't know, but I'm sure many of you have felt the desire to break someone's face at one point in your lives just for the simple reason that they are who they are. And I'm sure if any of the above three girls read my post, they can identify themselves right away. Which is FANTASTIC, because now they will know EXACTLY how I feel about them and are more than welcome to discuss it with me in person. I have nothing to hide. However, a word of caution, this past year, I've been through EVERYTHING under the sun (as readers that have read my private blog entries will know) and I came out alive and fucking kicking. Know what that means? It means, I'm giving you the opportunity to really shut the fuck up and stay away if you know what's best for you.

('scuse my french)

Simply Precious, Jay, TED, Grneyez, Lily, Marie, Shaina, Trixie, Angela , Nanda, Starlet