New Tattoo~
[] December 27, 2006

After almost a month, I've got my site back up fully functional. The hackers even deleted my backups on the server. It's a good thing I kept up to date ones on my actual harddrive. I even got my emails back (including invoices and reciepts). I think the phpFanbase scripts for my fanlistings were the loopholes for hackers to get to my domain.

I've got a lot of comments to respond to and some e-mails to catch up on. I could've got my site up sooner but I've been very busy playing with my Christmas toys lol.

For the holidays, my brother got me a pink Nintendo DS Lite and the Animal Crossing Wild World game (I've been hooked on it since). Dave and I went through a really trying time and we almost ended it but in the end we worked things out. It seems that December is a really depressing month and that statistically (or so I've heard) it is the month that most couple break up in.

I was sick for almost a month, 2 weeks of a sinus cold and the day I got better, I got a new cold the next morning thanks to kids at my work coughing up a storm! I also got a new haircut (cam pic). It's shorter than I thought I'd ever go, but I wanted something fresh!

The other day I wanted to surprise my mom and my brother with their Christmas gifts by showing up on their doorstep. ... Unfortunately for me, I locked my keys in my car and needed my mom to come help me anyway. *headdesk* Some surprise! I ended up bringing the wrong wrapping paper (roses instead of holiday), no scissors and some tape. So I wrapped my brother's present in the car about 4 times around and taped it all together. ... It looked like a cast.

In other news, I got a tattoo! I've always wanted one and I had put a lot of thought into the pros and cons. When finally Dave's friend was getting his done, I noticed the shop was clean, safe and professional. The artists were great and I settled on this design:



It's sexy, cute, bold. I've immortalized my youth and freedom (sexual or not haha) in this tattoo. All the mistakes I have made or will make, the experiences I've gone through, everything I feel at this exact moment was put into this design.

Lemme tell you, it hurt like a bitch. Might as well do stupid things now while I can still get away with it!

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Just a "phase"?
[] January 31, 2007

Sometimes when a guy and a girl date, it's all sunshine and rainbows at the beginning. Then - jealously. Girlfriend will catch Boyfriend checking out other women. Girlfriend compares, "What does she have that I don't?" Her jealousy and possesiveness is justified because she can still compete with another woman. But...

what happens if Boyfriend isn't into women. But SERIOUSLY into ... cars.

Yes, that's right, cars. Dave has a car-problem. Dave and I have been together almost 6 years and he tells me he loves me, EVERY DAY. But do you know what else he talks about everyday? Cars.

"What do you think of this one? LOOK. Just look at it, please?"
"Look at those rims!"
"That body kit sucks, he just totally destroyed his car."
"That Civic isn't really a Civic."
"I want an RX7. It's my favourite car."
"I want a 350Z. It's my favourite car."
"I want a Mustang GT500. It's my favourite car."



He's got a subscription to Performance magazine and yet, none for Swank, Playboy or Hustler. He's got all the racing video games, the Fast and the Furious set and the F&F Hotwheels. Yet, I can't find a decent porno or dirty anythings anywhere!

When we look through his car magazine, I always say, "Look at that chick, isn't she hot?" Dave will react desperately, "WAIT! STOP FLIPPING THE PAGES SO FAST! GO back two pages to the exhausts!"

How the FUCK am I supposed to compete with that? Is it just a phase? Please say it's a phase. I have completely BANNED "car-talk" from our relationship, that's how bad it's gotten. When Dave talks about cars, he gets ignored until he changes the subject because, seriously, don't talk to me about what car you're going to get unless you have the money for it.

Girls, do you have boyfriends with this obsession? Wives, did they grow out of it?

SITE RELATED: Updated [photo album] to include artist renderings of my photos as well as pictures of our latest bubbletea outing.


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Valentine's Experience
[] February 21, 2007

To sum up my Valentine's Day, I'm glad to report that it was the most romantic one I've had! I came home from work and when I walked in, the house was dark and there were candles everywhere! David had made dinner for me. The menu? Fetticini Alfredo with scallops, lamb soulvaki, red wine, and cinnabuns for dessert! We dined with to some soft music by Bryan Adams, Elton John and much more...



I felt totally glamourous! The curtains were drawn open so I could see the nightscape outside. The stars were shining and I felt like I was in a movie. It felt really good to be in my black satin kimono with only lingere underneath and the whole feel was like I stepped into a movie. My kind of romantic! By the night's end, I had recieved a nice card, a bouquet of carnations with a single rose in the middle (representing how out of all the women in his world, I was the one who stood out. I also got a stuffed puppy because I was telling him how much I loved his friend's dog, Bandit.



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All Fairy Tales are Lies
[] March 5, 2007

Every relationship has problems. That's a given. After almost six great years with Dave, what kind of problems do we have? Well, I've grown with him as a person through high school and now university. After six years, I start to think about the future. Our problem now is the future.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Do I take this steady path? I mean, I know what I will get; I know how he will react to my words or my actions; I know him and his body; I know mannerisms, his past and his personality; I know our happy times and our hard times; I how I have hurt him and how he has hurt me; I know his laugh and his temper.

But is what I know, the right choice?

Or should I take the risky winding path on my own in search of a prince that I may never find and lose everything I've ever known? Do I lose my first love to look for a love that maybe 100x better orfar worse? Do I gamble or stay safe if I only have one life to live and one choice to make?

Even if I do not make a choice, it is still a decision to stay. And which ever choice I make will be a permanent one. One choice is to lose someone I love, all the things I've known and the things I've learned. On the other hand, I could spend the rest of my life wondering what if there was someone out there that is everything I've ever dreamed of?

What brought this sudden thought on? Something happened that made me take a step back and re-evaluate.

I looked at what happened and looked at my journal entries. Last year and the year before that, we had discussed changes. Changes were made, but all lasted a month and then there was a relapse. Nothing essentially changed. I know the only person I can change is myself, but no matter how much I try, he doesn't allow me to change.

"Why are you acting like that? Why aren't you angry?"
"Because I'm trying to change."
"Don't. I don't like when you act like that."

You cannot change someone that does not want to change. I cannot make improvements when he does not want to make improvements.

He was the closest thing I came to finding "perfect", but then why do I feel like I need to lower my expectations to feel happy? How do I fix something that takes two to fix? Or, how do I throw away six years? I can see us on our wedding day, so why then, do I not see him as a father? Why do I not see him tying my daughter's shoes? Why do I not see him asking my son if he's got his mitts and his scarf?

Even after running the breakup scene through my head many times, I didn't cry. I asked him for space three days ago, but I was unable to cry even if I listened to sad songs.

But why did I just stop typing to cry just now when I mentioned kids?

Bottom line is that I am scared. I'm terrified that I will turn out being the woman that takes care of her children, her home, her husband while making more money than him. Then what do I need a husband for? I want to be independant but I still want to be able to rely on someone when I need help. I need someone to listen and comfort instead of getting frustrated an upset when I feel stressed.

I feel the need to sit down with him and talk through his and write out my wants and needs and have him do the same. But we've done that before. Sat and talked. But I seems everything is useless. I have run out of strength to fight for what I want.

A part of me wants to end it, and a part of me wants it to change, but what is the right choice? How do I follow my heart if my heart doesn't know what it wants or what to do? The only thing I know, is that if we end it, I want us to be the best of friends. It will be hard to lose him as a lover, but harder to lose both a lover and a best friend. I've learned so much from him but I feel there is nothing left to learn. But no matter what happens, this will be my greatest learning experience because he is my first love, my and only best friend.

My girlfriends and I gathered and stayed up late (almost 4am) on Saturday night talking about our love dilemmas. Perhaps we women worry too much about our problems? When we bring forth the issue to our boyfriends, we get a "stop bringing arguments into the relationship!" while they prefer to brush it off, ignore it or pretend it never happened. We cried, hugged and suffered for the pain of the other girl.

I think in my heart, I want to move on but I am so scared of being emotionally exhausted and drained.

** I filled my mom in on some of my worries today. She wants me to tell David that she's patting him on the bottom, like a child, to make him so faster because he is the "rabbit" and all the "turtles" are catching up and about to pass him and reach the finish line. She told me not to worry because apparently I have many other "suitors", lol. I won't tell him that because I know it will upset him, but my mom is only looking out for my best interest.

Why am I posting this and not sending it to him directly? I think it is because I want him to care enough about my thoughts and my life away from him to wander to my site and see it. I suppose it is a way of sharing my troubles with the world and reaffirm that I am not losing my mind. The only thing I can do is wait, hope and think.

My friend is going through a similar problem, but it's a good thing both her and her boyfriend are my friends. That way I can nudge him and tell him to get on his ass and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT SOON! ... I wish there was someone to do that for me and get David to do something. A lot of times I feel lonely when I'm not really alone.

I don't know what to do. Maybe we need to split, and perhaps years down the road if we have improved and change, we can still love each other and maybe have that happiness again. Maybe he will be my prince a few years from now, but can I wait that long?

MORNING EDIT:
My mom is being a pain in the butt. She's like "You look like you are sick" and that my problems are "mo wai" (petty/useless) and "Why dont you just focus on school with all that wasted energy".

LATER LATER EDIT:
omg my mom just made me cry. I went to get a candy and I was like fumbling and dropped the whole box. and she's like "Oh my god, Mun Mun, you are like ... lost all your spirit" and "Come back. Come back." and she hugged me for the first time in years omg T__T

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A Tearful So Long...
[] March 11, 2007

We broke up. I drove down to try to talk to him today, hoping to bump into him at the ice rink. I called him and he asked me to meet him at his house. I waited for him at his house and when he got there, we both kind of felt it was coming.

We sat down, had a heart to heart. We both broke down in tears but tried to look away so the other wouldn't be compelled to hold them. I wasn't angry with him, nor was he with me. I told him how I felt, what I wanted and needed. He told me his. I want him to be happy no matter what. If I see him years down the road with a career, a place of his own and a smile, I will be happy for him.

It would be hard, but through the whole process, he was the most mature I've ever seen him. Changes already, see? It's going to be difficult to let go but who knows, if the stars meant for us to be together, we will. If not, then we wont.


Either way, we both need time to heal. But it was a bittersweet break up. We both agreed it was the best relationship we've ever had, a phenomenal learning experience and the love was true and genuine. We did not part angry or bitter, but with a good-bye kiss and a hug.


No matter what, even if I lost a lover, I still have my best friend.

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Chicks!
[] April 13, 2007

At work, the kids were introduced to 12 little eggs that were kept in an incubator for 21 days. Yesterday, the eggs hatched!!

And guess who gets to take 2 home for the weekend!?!?! Me!! The two I have are named Jonah and Clairol. One after a child, the other after the hair coloring commercial. =)

Pico ADORES the chicks. At first I was afraid that she would try to eat them, but the moment she laid her eyes on the babies, she sniffed them, snuggled into them and rolled onto her back purring!!

More images [here]

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Long Vacation Entry: USA 07
[] July 17, 2007

For my graduation, my mom treated me to a trip to the States. I'm going to give you a briefing of the awesome ups and the hindering blows of my trip so be in for a LONNNG entry!!

Day 1: - Arrived at Airport 3 hours before American Airline flight.
- Later told our flight would be delayed 1 hour.
- Waited and was told our flight would be delayed 2 hours. - Then four.
- I asked for meal vouchers, my mother, my younger brother and myself were getting hungry. Was then told the flight was cancelled.
- Forced to missed our booked bus tour in LA. Company refused to refund our money so we got stuck with a $300USD bill because of the flight delay.
- At the check-in, they gave us vouchers for one night hotel stay and a dinner meal. We were then told to take a free shuttle to the hotel.
- The shuttle took 5 people once and hour. There were about 100 people in line.
- We took a cab to the hotel. Line was huge, we waited patiently.
- Were informed by hotel that they would not honor the vouchers because American Airlines only called to check availiability and never struck an agreement with them.
- Passengers reluctantly agreed to pay for the hotel out of our own pockets.
- Hotel announced that they were full. The manager arranged for a shuttle to take us to another hotel.
- After being told the shuttle would arrive in 20 minutes, the shuttle finally showed up after and hour and charged us to get the new hotel.
- Frustrated, irritated, tired and hungry, we had missed the hotel dinner time. We settled in and slept at around 1am.

Actual Day 1: - Woke up approaching the day with newer energy. But found out that the hotel does not provide shuttles to the airport.... ........ Called for taxi.
- Arrived at hotel over 3 hours before boarding. There was no line no representative so we went to get breakfast after missing the dinner meal.
- Lined up less than an hour later.
- Waited patiently as we went through check-in and customs for FOUR HOURS.
- Flight left without us.
- Dealt with a representative threatening us with her position.
- Demanded a new flights. Transfered over to Air Canada (THANK GOD!) demanded business class. NEVER TAKE AMERICAN AIRLINES. After this experience I only heard poor things about their service.
- Rest of the flight was smooth sailing.
- Landed in Los Angeles. Oh my gosh so many palm trees!!!!!

Day 2: - Got sick. Was sick the whole trip because of the stress and frustration from airport experience and being shuffled from building to building enduring hot and cold temperatures.
- Went to Universal Studios

- Saw the stoop from Bruce Almighty movie where Jim Carrey trained his mis-peeing dog. Will Smith also happened to be on the premises filming for a new movie so the tour took a detour.

Day 3: - Visited a Buddhist temple atop a mountain. Was breath-takingly beautiful.
- Visited the Crystal Church where Hour of Power is broadcasted. This was THE most boring part of the trip! I nearly fell asleep as our elderly tour guide baby stepped and mumbled the whole time. Yes, the cathedral was beautiful and the structure was cool, but the whole experience was so ... ho hum.



Day 4: - DISNEYLAND!!! Had a blast! Went on all the best rides! Blew most of my travel money hahah. Best day evar!!



Day 5: - Boarded a bus tour that we booked and payed again for.
- Developed a sinus infection.
Stopped at London Bridge, 47 Celcius. Almost passed out because I was so sick and the heat was so extreme but managed to pull off a decent photo.
- Changing altitude pressure + sinus infection hurt my ears so much I was crying.
- Developed ear infection.

Day 6: - Arrived at The Grand Canyon in the morning. One of the most beautiful landscapes I've ever seen.
- Brother and I had a mini-photoshoot much to the horror of my mother. Haha, there were no bars where we were standing.

- Arrived in VEGAS later that night.
- Ditched my mom and brother to chill in Vegas alone. Shopped at Victoria's Secret.
- Saw shows, took photos of hotels, got "holla"ed at.


Day 7: - Bus ride back to Los Angeles.
- Flight back to Toronto went smooth. My brother and me only. Mom went to Australia. =) Came home, got on some medication.

REST OF THE TRIP PHOTOS [HERE]

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