My Life

Childhood: Cute but talkative and bossy. A feisty little package.



High school:

Coming from a childhood of total nerdiness, I had enough of books and wanted "in" with the rest of the crowd. The transition from geek to chic was very difficult for me and at the beginning of high school. Through grade 9 - 10, I tried to change myself to be a person with a life by re-adjusting myself to what was "cool". It was very difficult for me because I didn't know anyone going into my new high school.

Grade 9, I developed a crush on what I thought was a smart and nice guy that turned out to be just as shallow and judgmental as all his girl buddies. But then again, he WAS only 14. Girls would come up to me and say nasty things (even girls I've never met before!). I'd have vicious rumors etched onto desks about me and people sneered at me in the hallways. Random girls would try to pick fights with me and I would have no idea why. Needless to say, that crush turned my high school life into a nightmare.

At this time though, I began to cling onto my deceased grandmother for emotional support. I often consoled myself and was unable to identify my high school experience as bullying (which is why I never called that Kids Help Phone). I think, emotionally, I had hit rock bottom. I felt like I wanted to be street smart as well as book smart but I never had the opportunity, I felt like a doormat and unattractive. My confidence was so low that once I remember walking through the school hall and thinking "Who am I kidding? No guy is ever going to like me."

One afternoon about a year later, I was with my friends and one of the girls bragged about some guy asking her out and she didn't give him a reply yet because she wants to let him dangle for a while. It felt like a a big smack in the face, a wake up call! Why were guys attracted to bitchy girls that treat them badly? I discovered later that he was no longer interested in her games and decided that he didn't want to pursue her because she seemed pretentious. I wanted to see who this guy was who was so in tune with genuinity. But then I laid my eyes on him. Blond hair, blue eyes, the sweetest smile he was perfect. My heart dropped to my stomach and I knew he was way out of my league.

His name was David. And fate had it that at the end of grade 10, I landed in the same history class as he did. At first I noticed that we competed, constantly trying to out do each other. And then at the end of the year, his competitive attitude turned into affection and before I knew it I was completely swept off my feet.


Ladies and gentlemen, we are still together today. Many didn't think we'd last, including myself. David was popular and funny and he protected me physically and emotionally. Over time, he showed me that I WAS important as well as my needs, and that I WAS pretty, as cheesy as this might sound.


And over the course of a year or two, I gained confidence and a sense of self. I was lucky. Many people endure the hardships of high school bullying, but I was saved. Not only from being bullied at school, but being bullied at home, and in turn bulling my younger brother. Sometimes you don't even know you are being bullied. I also realize now that avoiding trouble isn't always the best route. Though you may prevent confrontation, your personal dignity suffers and it is emotionally unhealthy. There were many things I would've loved to say to the monsters of my past. But now, I see myself having more class than they ever did and to me that is the best satisfaction. =) Hooray~



Recent: In the year of 2003, I ran away from home. It's a very long story and I still possess a lot of raw feelings. But now all I know is that I am happy. I don't get attached to anything anymore as a result of my family life but having David with me smooths over my rough edges. :)

But everything is good now and I've discovered the most important thing in life. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to Love, and be Loved in return."

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